I turned 41 today, marking my official entrance into my early 40s. It’s surreal because, in many ways, I still feel like that child eager for her mother’s approval. While there are moments when I feel like a fully-fledged adult tackling life’s challenges, much of the time, I find myself navigating, learning, and unlearning. As I reflect on my journey, I’d like to share 41 things I know for sure at 41—lessons from a lifetime of experiences. Whether you’re here for a laugh or some reflections, I hope these resonate with you.

 

1. Life is short. Have all the sex you want. Have the sex!!! Personally, I spent my younger years not having sex and at 41 I have some regrets but it just gets tougher the older you get.

2. Don’t waste time on unreciprocated love. Whether in romantic relationships or platonic.

3. Stand up for your friends. Don’t let mafakhas shit talk your friends.

4. Do not drink on an empty stomach, especially if you’re a light weight like me.

5. Also, don’t drink spirits. I’ll tell you the story one day.

6. Your parents are also human, having their own experiences and traumas to deal with.

7. There are people out there who want to see you do well.

8. Don’t doubt your boundaries, especially when they are being pushed.

9. You don’t owe anyone a smile. There’s no need to feign happiness just to make others comfortable around you.

10. You’re not wrong for being politically correct.

11. Feminism is necessary.

12. Take naps.

13. Read. Read books, newspapers, articles, recipes, pamphlets…just read. I beg you. Read.

14. Always make sure that there’s someone who knows the absolute truth about you. Someone you can be vulnerable to.

15. Take more pictures. Pose with your favourites. Take photos of your family and friends!!!

16. Stay on your lane, don’t compete.

17. Spiders will always find me.

18. Reality TV shows are scripted. All of them.

19. Grief never leaves you.

20. There’s a thin line between pain and pleasure.

21. Always bring facts to a debate.

22. Always show up as your authentic self.

23. You’ll make mistakes. Don’t be hard on yourself.

24. Learn a new language.

25. Write things down.

26. Always show empathy. You never know what people are going through.  

27. Tell your loved ones that you love them.

28. Add jazz to your playlists

29. Jazz is not supreme music. It’s my favourite genre but it’s just music.

30. Travel Africa. You’ll thank me later.

31. Always be on time.

32. Putting yourself out there will crush you and maybe crush your dreams but do it, on the off chance that today might be your day.

33. The book is always better but watch the movie for the soundtrack.

34. Date a guy who wants to be with you, someone who seeks you out.

35. Respect people’s boundaries.

36. Always thank those who care about you. The ones who go out of their way to help you.

37. Begin again…as many times as you need to.

38. Always eat biltong and when you find time, eat crackling.

39. Amasi tastes better without sugar.

40. Never start anything on a Monday.

41. Nothing lasts forever.