In many African social spaces, belonging is often expressed through presence, being there, speaking up, joining in, showing yourself, singing together, cooking together. Community is loud, embodied, collective. I love this about us. And yet, as someone who moves through the world quietly, I’ve often felt how easily silence can be misread. When I walk into a room, I’ll generally gravitate towards the walls. In a crowd, I will look for people who are sitting rather than standing.

These behaviours are not appreciated in African social spaces. Needing space is often taken personally. There have been moments where I’ve felt close to the circle but unsure how to enter it without becoming a louder version of myself.

But introversion has always existed among us, even if we don’t always make room for it. I see it in the aunt who walks out just before she is asked to close in prayer. In the elder who waits until the end of the conversation to offer just one word of  encouragement.

At family gatherings, this often means sitting quietly while conversations overlap, laughing when expected, and waiting for a pause that never quite comes. It means being asked why you’re so quiet, or being told to “come, say something,” as if words must be produced on demand. Sometimes it means stepping outside for air, or leaving early and offering a polite excuse that sounds acceptable enough. Later, someone will say you disappeared. What they don’t see is that you were present for as long as you could be, listening carefully, taking people in, even if you didn’t leave your voice behind.

In isiXhosa you will hear people saying  “unolunya”. I’ve never been able to find an appropriate translation but it’s a derogatory way of saying you don’t like people or you think you’re better than everyone else. As an introvert, I hate hearing that word because that always tells me that this is someone who’s not prepared to understand why I am sitting quietly minding my own business.

So, on World Introvert Day, I’m reminded that being part of a community doesn’t always mean talking the most. Sometimes it’s sitting quietly, noticing what others miss, or speaking only when it matters. That quiet presence is still a way of belonging.
Happy World Introvert Day!!